Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Dead Fish Eye Delicacy

 I'm perpetually projecting 

Traumatized me, even unintentionally

But when I tell it in a rhyme

Ya'll eat it up like a delicacy

Oh silly me

I almost forgot how much

Misery NEEDS company

to serve biscuits and tea to   

and gossip endlessly too

But when I say our friendship 

is through you scream

"VICTIM, VICTIM, VICTIM!"

Cry and run out the room.


I find it humorous 

through and through

how toxic people project 

onto you what it is that

they feel they're going through.

Even if that drama is made up 

in their own head 

it isn't even true.


You see,

Their lives are so boring 

That they take your own story

And twist it to benefit them

or make it their own.

They feel like it puts them 

on some kind of throne

By playing a real life game of "telephone".


But the truth is 

We all saw that decay

in your eerie milky eyes

like a dead fish afloat

Lake Eries tides.

I'm rinsing out your lies 

and hanging them to dry

Have fun in that cashier job

Bitch bye

I'm gonna take my good vibes 

and fly like an eagle 

who just snatched the corpse 

of that dead fish with no remorse.

Because this is nature Kim

if you wanna play dirty 

I'll go out on a limb

 and say you're not happy with your life

But it might really help if you stop 

creating your own strife on a whim.


Sounding like a Sim, when you talk to me

Because all I hear is you planting negative seeds

so I tune it out

You might find that your life 

is much better without that negative talk too

But the last time I said "I hope your day gets better"

your anger went VROOOM!!!!

Because you realized you can't control my mood

Nor will you ever 

That dead fishes head is now severed

I know I'm cleaver, no one could have said this better.

Dead fish eyes, if you didn't know

are a delicacy.

I've always seen you bitch

Now you can't see me.


Tuesday, March 30, 2021

A Happier Tune

 I figured I am past due

For a happier tune

Something to lift the moods.

Something like the notes

in this coffee, salt water taffy

or whatever wishy-washy thing

that gets your serotonin pumping.


I can find many beautiful things 

In my everyday surroundings.

And if you were unaware

Please let me share

That this practice is key

To that whole "being present" thing.


Being happy has nothing 

to do with a ring

or finding your "Queen" or "King"

It's about finding things 

that you admire in absolutely 

everything.


A prime example would be

A Trump supporter I met

very recently.

I will admit that 

I was initially wary

The media having painted

him as some scary white man 

who wouldn't hesitate 

To bury my gay ass

In the cold hard ground.


But instead I found

Someone with whom

I can agree to disagree

He lets me pick his brain freely.

What he lacks in fight

he makes up in sheer passion.

And you know what?

I admire the hell out

of his brazen fashion.


So please retire

this idea that to disagree

Means you've made a new enemy.

Not necessarily that you've made 

a new best friend...

But just remember we're

all just humans in the end.

Sunday, March 28, 2021

They called it Liberation

 I've had people

blatantly say to me 

how disappointed my parents 

must be in me

It used to make me 

cry myself to sleep.


But now I know that pharisees 

use fear it seems 

to control the things 

that I'm hiding. 

They called me Mary Magdalene

Seven demons inside of me 

They said "Do it for your family."

...

Do it for my family.


When I close my eyes

I can still hear myself screaming

as they "exorcized" the evil

out of me, for a small fee.

I wanted to flee

I can still feel them pinning me 

to the floor 

Streams of salty tears and puke

running through the floorboards

towards the locked door.


They said I had the demons 

of Jezebel, Beelzebub, Mammon

and more as they unlocked the door

saying I was now free

Liberated from my demons

to be who God really created 

me to be.

That my future husband 

will excuse my past deeds

as long as I start 

"sowing the right seeds"

Abandoning homosexuality.


To frightened to speak 

I cast a glance at the girl 

who had kissed me 

just last week.


Realizing the butterflies 

were still present

My knees felt weak,

GOD WHY AREN'T YOU HEALING ME?!?

Do it for my family!

PLEASE do it for my family!!!


And in the darkness of my room 

That night I heard Her speak

it's not about my family

it's about me, 

and how I choose to be free.

Monday, March 22, 2021

PTSD Ramblings

 My PTSD

Really has a hold of me

Wake up suddenly at 3:33 panicking

Is someone hexing me?

Vexing me?

God I need therapy 


Oh you think it's funny?! 

Calling them "irrational fears"

YOU live in a cult

for half of ten years

And tell me you don't feel

as if you've danced 

with the Devil

Having seen his plan

the whole earth leveled

By greed and fear

Landfills of nothing

but weed and beer 

left behind from humans 

trying to cope 

with the fact that they were groped 

at 3 years old

But that story has been told 

A million times over it seems

We're all tearing at the seams

Lacking empathy for others feelings

Because we don't even know 

What our own mean


I could keep going 

so don't mind me 

If anyone needs me 

I'll be processing my PTSD

Peace.

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

Imagine How Scary

 Its me again

Hi!

Show me your trauma and 

I'll show you mine

Fine

See this needle?

Force it through my eye

Promise I won't cry 

Don't act surprised

Liquify my brain, I'm insane

Trust me, this pain

is nothing compared to 

what telling my story to you

will do to me emotionally 

Can't you see?

My stomach is in ribbons 

Puke, rinse and repeat

                                                           But why?!?

Imagine how scary

Imaginary friends seemed

when my parents persisted 

They aren't real, they're not human beings

But the Lord Jesus Christ 

knows exactly what I'm feeling

"What's the difference?"

BLASPHEMY!!!

They blast at me

for questioning the Almighty

king

"But what if the King is a Queen?"

SHOCKING

Can't even use the term

"Mother Nature"

Cause it's a sin...

Why does it seem like 

to sin

is to be a powerful woman?


OOOOH but I can't say that!

They might slay me

For betraying 

Jesus Christ who made me 

from clay I'm told

wow that's bold


Even though you all collectively 

Can't believe that a poor soul 

was born in the wrong body

PLEASE STOP THE HYPOCRISY!

Your mocking will not stop me

Remember that lobotomy?

It was never for me,

I have been watching you though...

As I wipe the drool 

Running down your chin

Knowing full well

you haven't listened 

Cause you're still positive 

I'm in sin 

Sunday, March 7, 2021

IF YOU INSIST

 I hate these feelings

I hate the way I deal 

with things; or don't

Depending on who you quote 

I could be the most stable 

of human beings

Still wishing I had three magic beans

To scale up and escape this place

So I may finally scrape these scales 

from my face, and be me.

But low and behold 

Here comes another "bold knight"

determined to stick his sword into me

JUST LEAVE ME BE!

But they never listen as I watch

his embers glisten 

now mere ash in the wind

You don't NEED to be burned 

for your sins

But if you keep insisting 

I WILL laugh at you fervently resisting

the fate that YOU chose.

You should know by now motherfucker 

That no means no.